German Indology

[Irving Hexham]

	Dominik Wujastyk is to be congratulated on his timely, patriotic, warning about the machinations of those cunning Krauts. Anyone who doubts the authenticity of his observations ought to take a looks at a pre-1945 map of the world. Do you realize that on such maps, millions of which were distributed to English schools throughout the Empire, India, the home of Sanskrit, is painted red. Red the colour of the Nazi flag. Clearly, those fiendish Huns had a cunning plan to rule the world by indoctrinating innocent children to associate India with Germany. Only a true Englishman would recognize such arrogance.
	Further, are you aware that every year thousands of blokes are forced to work in Germany as plasterers, plumbers, joiners, etc. because the Botch pay much higher wages than anyone in England. All of this illustrates the danger of that Cabbage in Bonn who wants to extend the European Union's Social Charter to include England. Just think what that will mean. The moral fiber of the English working class will be broken by decent wages and totally unnecessary social benefits. We all know poverty is good for the soul. But, the Huns want to ruin the English economy by treating workers as though they were human. Just think where that might lead. The great unwashed might even begin to enjoy classical music and, horror or horrors, opera. Such a Nazification program must be stopped at once.
	Finally, what's going to happen to English tarts. Just think of all those innocent lads working in Germany where they are susceptible to seduction by Kraut crumpet who lure them into sin with high cholesterol Torten. How can a frumpish English lass compete when all she has been taught to cook is spotted dick. English womanhood, not to mention cooking, will be ruined. What we need is a far sighted politician like Hendrik Verwoerd who will introduce a Mixed Marriages Act to protect our boys from the dastardly wiles of blond bombshells. Surely, nobody really wants to see English blood contaminated by fluff who in desperation marry wogs, wops, frogs and even yanks all because their former boyfriends are having it off with Botch bint.

Signed: Baldrick, Basil Faulty and Andy Capp.

P.S. For the uninitiated we supply the following translations: Botch, Hun and Kraut - terms of endearment popularized by the British Ministry of Propaganda during World War I; crumpet, bint, blond bombshells - Fraulein; tarts, lass, fluff - god fearing English women; wogs, wops, frogs and yanks - foreigners; spotted dick - the national desert of the working class usually eaten with Bird's custard.

P.S. We wont to thank Profeser Irving Hexham for elping uz  wif the spelin of this leter.