Distortion of History

Thu Jan 9 15:43:18 UTC 1997

1/9/97

This is for light reading by Dr. Mahadevan Ramesh. I got this
from Soc.Culture.Indian about 5 years ago.
Not updated. Now, Ramesh would have few more things to say on
"Aryans spread Out-Of-India, etc.," 

I read in Dr. Madhav Deshpande's posting of The Hindu Interview
where Prof. Irfan Habib says:
"... In effect denies any separate family of Dravidian family of languages, 
which is against all developed canons of scientific linguistics. ... "

Given time, we may hear a theory that "Dravidian languages
are just offshoots from Sanskrit." (It will be just a rebirth.
This was the predominant mode of teaching in South India by many
Sanskritized Indians.  They used to say: 
'kaN' cannot be a dravidian word for eye, because 'kannu' is in Telugu also!
'ceppu' cannot be a dravidian word for saying, because it too exists in Telugu!
etc., ...)

Enjoy!

N. Ganesan,
nas_ng at lms420.jsc.nasa.gov

              CHRONOLOGY ACCORDING TO HINDU FUNDAMENTALISTS
                     Dr. Mahadevan Ramesh                 

Warning: This post is intended to be a satire.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

March, 3452 BC: Shri Ram is born in Ayodhya, at the very spot
where a mosque would be built later to cause much controversy.

Circa 3000 BC: Several fools start writing vedas and upanishads
and try to give a philosophical basis to the Hindu religion.
These morons should have realized that when eventually Hinduism
becomes an organized religion and a social institution, it has a
force of its own and very few would care for such philosophical
basis.

Circa 2920 BC: A very learned Guru gets frustrated while
teaching a moron of a student and invents zero while grading his
test.

A few years later: Hindu scientists formulate the General Theory
of Relativity and the Unified Field Theory. Much of these
theories are hidden in complex sanskrit slokas and a good part
of it was smuggled out of the country by the Germans and the
British and lost forever.

0 AD: Christianity, an offshoot of Hinduism, is born.

N + 1000 BC to N BC: A hindu golden age, known as Ramrajya, is
established over the entire subcontinent. There are temples
everywhere. Everyone observes the caste protocols. The cows are
happy. Ghee is available in plenty. All computer programs work
without any problems.

Breakaway cults: Some non-conformists form cults called Jainism
and Buddhism. Rational people put these iconoclasts to shame, so
much so, the Buddhists are driven out of India. Understandably
many Jain and Buddhist literature and culture had to be
destroyed by peaceloving Hindus.

Chandragupta Vikramaditya's period: Another great 'Golden Age'
according to most historians. Manusmriti was the law of the land
and women were rightfully treated as 'untouchables'. In his next
birth, Vikramaditya Chaudhuri joins Oracle Systems and writes on
SCI.

Sometime before 10 th century: Islam, another offshoot of
Hinduism is born.

The only known episode of hindu atrocity: A Jain was slapped in
the wrist by a Hindu in Nalanda University when they were
fighting over a girl. The Jain later apologized to the Hindu for
provoking him.

Babar's rule: Enormous atrocities are heaped on peace loving
Hindus. Even granting that war and stuff like that generally
make people irrational, Babar went too far and to top it, he
demolished Ram Mandir at the Jhanmabhoomi to make it the
pinnacle of his career. He also left about fifteen hundred
pieces of irrefutable evidence about his act of demolishing the
temple.

Akbar's rule: Commits Hindu atrocity by marrying a Hindu woman
and by formulating his own brand of religion called 'Teen
Elahi'. Secret service agents suddenly discover that Akbar had
failed to renew his visa and that he is actually a citizen of
China - he retained his Chinese citizenship because of his
Chengiz Khan lineage. The Muslims impose their inferior culture
on the hapless Hindu citizens. And a thousand years later they
won't even apologize to the Hindus for what their ancestors did
many hundred years ago.

Sometime during the Moghul period: Some Hindus start calling
themselves Sikhs.

Discovery of Krishna Jhanmabhoomi and other bhoomis : Krishna
Jhanmabhoomi was discovered - to be at the exact same spot as
the present day Taj Mahal.  Shiv Jhanmabhoomi is discovered to
be the same as Jamma Masjid and so forth.  Hindus rightfully
fight for these temples.

1947-48: A fool of a hindu-basher, Mahatma Gandhi, actually
organizes fasts to promote amity between the Hindus and Muslims,
instead of asking all the Muslims to pack up and go to Pakistan.

Modern India: Muslims start countless, unprovoked riots in India
and every time many, many more innocent Hindus die than Muslims.
This is despite the Muslims becoming so dominant in every aspect
of the society such as in education, civil services and politics
- all these gains obtained by systematic exploitation of passive
and nice Hindus and the special treatment given to the
minorities in general. Hindus sacrifice a lot to the point of
self-destruction.

1958: Rekha, a Hindu goddess of love is born.

RSS and VHP emerge as major schools of human thought: Guru
Golmalkar emerges as one of the greatest stinkers, I mean,
thinkers of the twentieth century. A whole nation follows his
footsteps and organizes his thoughts into action. In fact, the
RSS philosophy completely replaces ancient outmoded philos such
as the Vedas and the Upanishads as the mainstream Hindu school.

VHP grows in strength and status: Vishwa Hindu Parishad becomes
a premier secular organization in India and has a number of
projects for Muslims as well, including helping out one poor
Muslim family in Poona. Muslims, impressed by the compassion VHP
has for them, join VHP in millions and even those parochial
Muslims who don't join this secular, peaceloving institution,
support it unconditionally. Only some idiots on SCI write
anti-VHP stuff.

Sikh Overreaction: Many Sikhs overreact, instead of condemning
the Punjab terrorists, when only a mere few thousand Sikhs are
randomly killed in India by people just venting their anger.

Ajay Shah replaces Joachim Martillo as the bboard bigot: A
breath of fresh air (gas ?) on SCI as Ajay Shah enters the SCI
and represents Hindu Vishwa Oarishad. (sic) He simplifies many
things about our society so that ordinary folks like you and I
can understand it. For example, the world has two sets of
people, one a true secular hindu and the other pseudo-secular,
hindu basher, Marxist Leninist, undemocrat.

October 1990, Kar Seva begins: Several peaceful volunteers want
to do Kar Seva at Ayodhya. They only want to 'move' the mosque and
not 'destroy' it. If civil engineering can't do it, the Sevaks
will.

November 1990: Goonda Gehani, a well known member of the
Maryland community exchanges his views with some students at
University of Maryland eloquently by beating them up. Ajay Shah
posts his hilarious joke on Stalinism. It went roughly as "I
couldn't pass it up. You had said the only 'ism' that does not
lead to fascism is communism, but how about Stalinism ?" He was
going to extend the joke to include Maoism, Subbaraoism and
prism. But checks himself so that SCI folks won't laugh
themselves silly and develop hernia.

November 1990: Chandra Sekhar, the Millie Vanilli of Indian
politics, takes over as the next Prime minister.

December 1990: Guru Alok Vijayvargiaji publishes his treatise on
Hinduism, titled "What is Hinduism" on SCI. Though generally
hard to comprehend by mere mortals, it essentially said that
Hinduism is like a thousand infinities, it is infinite and
infinitesimal and it is a he as well as a she. The readers'
response was overwhelming and many of them publish  their own
essays titled "What is Alok Vijayvargia ?"

December 1990: I write this post and have a cup of chai afterward.

-- 
Copyright(R) Mahadevan Ramesh