O'FLOWERY AND THE PEDANTICS (transl.)

[MILESM at ibm3090.computer-centre.birmingham.ac.uk]

The following is a draft translation of a Gendered Legend from the early
Third Millenium of the so-called Common Era. Some detail has been obscured by
system incompatibility in transmission from those far-off times, yet it is
hoped that the main outline will be of interest to historians.  It is thought
possibly to have originated in a dream-sequence of the displaced writer
Soloman Rashid, while he served his life-sentence for antipedantic activities.

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O'FLOWERY AND THE PEDANTICS
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In the Dark Times before the Siliconyuga dawned, there lived a banned person,
the lefthanded female guru O'Flowery. She sang and danced the cosmic orgasm
of the greater and lesser spheres. She caused sweet-smelling emanations to be
wafted abroad. She encouraged her female students to ask questions until
their heads dropped off.

(NOTE:  One of these students, Ms G. Argi, PhD,  later achieved immortality
by releasing the entire Saga of Greater Bharat in cartoon strip on the
InterMesh, the primitive electronic system by which scholars used to
communicate towards the end of the Dark Times)

Great was the wrath of the Twenty Tenuredrishis at the Institute of Pedantic
Studies, whose religious exercises in the depths of the academic jungle were
disturbed by the distant song of the banned guru O'Flowery and her retinue of
performing penguins.

Emaciated with long fasting, and standing upon one leg to achieve a smaller
satellite broadcast footprint  (NOTE: Possible reading; text unclear),  the
affronted Tenuredrishis deliberated together for seven solemn semesters. Then
they issued a decree that henceforth there could be no enrolment to study the
Pedanta unless the candidate possessed a recognised phallus and had passed
fourteen years of supervised meditation in the footnotes of German philology.

But the irrepressible O'Flowery immediately mounted upon her psychedelic
aerial vehicle  and flew with immeasurable speed to the abode of the Four-
Eyed Founder of Emesdos, the Excellent Mahageek Bil-Gatesh.  Delectable
consultations took place at the many-windowed palace of the Mahageek Bil-
Gatesh, who deigned to accept a suitable offering of chocolate-coated
penguins from the doe-eyed O'Flowery.

With an unprecedented display of heptium-energy, the all-seeing Bil-Gatesh
instantaneously scanned into his memory the entire Pedantacorpus, together
with every known and unknown footnote, endnote, handnote and banknote. Then
from each window of the universal memory of Mahageek Bil-Gatesh, instant
access to the Pedantacorpus billowed forth to fill the farthest reaches of
the Omniversity.

Whereas in the Dark Times, 14 crore years of studies were required to store
and access every syllable, now as the Siliconyuga dawned it became possible
for any female student to summon undifferentiated giganotes on all possible
topics in 14 nanoseconds  (NOTE: benchtest by Pedantelecton Weekly).

Thus did Bil-Gatesh, aided by the incomparable O'Flowery, destroy the power
of the Venerable Keepers Of The Pedanta, by declassifying and electronising
their hidden personal memorybanks. The Venerable Keepers were rapidly ushered
away to the abode of Yamaha, where rats gnawed at their battery cells for
incalculable aeons.

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(Draft preprint translation by M.Miles from a text discovered in the Cocktail
Party Hall of MacDonalds Fastburger University. Official version awaits
endorsement by the Intergalactic Women Scholars Foundation Cream).