Critique of the West in Indic literature and society

[pslvax!sadhu at UCSD.EDU]

| Dominik says:
| 
|> HT .....
| > ....  Past editorials have promoted child marriage and are  
| > often xenophobic.
| 
| S. Vidyasankar says:

| I don't claim to represent HT or its editors. 
| 
| I  haven't read the editorial promoting child-marriage, but let me point  
| out that child marriage is not necessarily a Hindu thing, much less a  

...........

Namaste Dominick:

I was uanble to find an editorial promoting child marriage.  Can you
tell me the volume/issue?? I did find the publisher's remarks on
arranged marriage, that is possibly what you are referring to.

Other readers:

It is attached, if you care to read it and judge for yourself.  It
appears the publisher, Sivaya Subramuniyswami,   was mainly quoting
someone else.  And, this possibly could be material for consideration
if seeking modern Eastern view critisism of the West, as we attempt to
get away from attacks, and back to the original question of this
thread.

FYI, I am a devotee of Sivaya Subramuniyswami, but don't claim to
represent either him or HT.  Also it is my observation that Dominik's
antagonism seemed to arise after the publication of the Hindu Time
Line articles in HT.  Is that correct?  Perhaps it conflicted with
some of your research or beliefs, Dominick?  I'm only guessing.
I saw your letter at that time attacking their research published in
their letters to the editor section.

I do not wish to promote arguments, by the way, I'm just trying to
provide the material to which you referred to for benefit of other
readers, so they may judge impartially.  HT's wish is to remain very
low profile and not stir up controversy on the net, as I understand
it.  So apologies if anyone should find my response here offensive in
any way.  I'm trying to be peaceful.  And fair.

Om Shanti,
Sadhunathan Nadesan

................

Head: Publisher's Desk  (Jan 94)
Subhead: The Modern Matchmakers

Text:

Ruthe Stein, who writes for the San Francisco Chronicle, recently
offered an insightful insight about arranged marriages: "That they might
be worth a try." We were pleased when we read the article, which we have
permission to excerpt for you to enjoy.  It seems that the old ways are
now being looked at very closely as solutions to the growing problem of
divorce, half-orphaned children and a nearly barbaric society.  Enjoy
what Ruthe has to say to the people of California in that esteemed
journal.  "Americans might want to reconsider their prohibition (against
arranged marriages).  Letting people choose their own mates hasn't work
out as well as our forebearers might have hoped.  Anyone who married in
the past decade has more than a 50 percent chance of getting divorced.
It makes you wonder about the odds of staying married: What's love got
to do with it?

"There may have been something to the old way-letting the families, not
raging hormones, decide who is right for you.  Family background weighed
as heavily in the matchmaking decision as the bride's dowry.  The idea
was that two young people from similar backgrounds would grow to care
for each other.  However, the case for bringing back arranged marriages
isn't that they are more likely to endure-who knows, given that divorce
was rarely an alternative until relatively recently?-but that the newer
ways to meet someone don't seem to be working.  Singles are settling
into solitary lives, often not of their choosing.  Many would like
someone to come home to, but they don't want to go out and look.

"When marriages were arranged, few got left behind or had to go begging.
Families took care of their own.  They kept track of the offspring of
other families.  Word traveled, even across oceans, of a likely
prospect.

"My husband's mother, Helen, for instance, was still single at 26,
living in a hill town in Greece with no marital prospects.  Aware of her
plight, her brother George in Quincy, Illinois, arranged for her to
marry his friend Louis, who was from their hometown and who had also
settled in Quincy.  George even went and brought her to America.
Although Helen had no memory of Louis-he had left Greece when she was
small-she married him on George's say-so.

"They were married 55 years before death parted them.  My husband
doesn't believe his parents were ever passionately in love, but they
cared deeply for each other and took care of each other.  How many
lonely singles today wouldn't be content with that?

"Now people pay hundreds of dollars to dating services to do what Uncle
George did.  It is unlikely that these services could do better than
family members, who not only know and love you, but also have an
interest in seeing that you don't end up with a loser.  With an arranged
marriage, there would be no hideous surprises like the one sprung on my
friend Mary.  She found out the man she had been dating was living with
another woman.  Would someone your family vouched for pull that kind of
a stunt?

"There also wouldn't be any dancing around the marriage issue.  Nowadays,
when relationships turn serious, there is much dragging of feet about
when and if to get married.  Now that couples can live together,
nuptials can be put off indefinitely.  Not so with an arranged marriage;
it's a done deal.

"Of course, arranged marriages would have to be modified to suit modern
life.  Presumably, the betrothed would want to have some say.  Maybe
there could be something like a prenuptial agreement that would give
them an out short of the altar.  Allowances would also have to be made
for arranged marriages not working out.  In the age of divorce-light
years from the age of innocence-the question would be: how many arranged
marriages is a person entitled to in a lifetime?"

Thank you, Ruthe Stein.  We are glad you are bringing forward tradition.
We define tradition as the best of what the centuries have preserved for
us to carry into the future.  Another essay on the same subject came to
us from Associated Press a few days later, titled "Love, Indian Style"
and written by Washington Post staff writer Shanthy Nambiar.

"Paritosh and Shikha Malaviya were married 11 months after being
introduced in Salisbury, Md., by eager family members living in America
and India.  Having gone to college in the United States, they were
initially skeptical of the arrangement.  They had never met-how could
they have enough in common to get married?  And marriage-from the
Western standpoint at least-should start with magic, an inexplicable
mutual attraction that leads to dating and culminates in the commitment
of romantic love.  Paritosh and Shikha never felt that first spark.

"But unbeknown to them, they were fated to come together.  'I never had
met him before, although I had heard his name and stories about him
(from relatives) since 11th grade,' says Shikha Malaviya, 22, giggling
at her home in Silver Spring.  Her aunt, who had stolen a photograph of
her, showed it to Paritosh's mother, who showed it to the prospective
groom.  'What they do is, little by little, they drop names and
hints.IThey sort of slowly poison you,' says Shikha.  'It was very
weird.  But my parents never forced me to marry him.' They didn't have
to.  She fell in love with Paritosh, she says, after their second
arranged meeting.  And within a few days, he had fallen in love with
her.

"About 90 to 95 percent of Indian marriages here and abroad are still
arranged.  Marriages are also arranged among newly arrived emigrants
from Albania, Vietnam, China, Korea and Pakistan.  The divorce rate
among Indians here and abroad is estimated at below four percent-much
lower than in Western cultures.

"'I think we are much closer than American couples,' says Shikha.  'Here
a lot of couples crave for personal and financial independence.  In the
Indian culture, we don't have this concept of declaring that I need my
own space.  It is automatically understood: being a couple means sharing
everything.'"



.........
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