Light relief

Lars Martin Fosse l.m.fosse at
Tue Jul 22 10:28:35 UTC 1997

Given the lax intensity of traffic on this list recently, I abuse the
opportunity to send you something which is decidedly non-Indological, and
which makes me very happy I am an Indological person and  not the sort of
person portrayed below.


>Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyers Journal, the
>following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during
>trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses.
>1.     "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
>doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
>2.     "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"
>3.     "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
>4.     "Were you alone or by yourself?"
>5.     Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?"
>6.     "Did he kill you?"
>7.     "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?"
>8.     "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
>9.     "How many times have you committed suicide?"
>10.  Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
>         A: "Yes."
>         Q: "And what were you doing at that time?"
>11.  Q: "She had three children, right?"
>          A: "Yes."
>          Q: "How many were boys?"
>          A: "None."
>          Q: "Were there any girls?"
>12.  Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
>          A: "Yes."
>          Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
>13.  Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't
>          A: "I went to Europe, Sir."
>          Q: "And you took your new wife?"
>14.  Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
>          A: "By death."
>          Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?"
>15.  Q: "Can you describe the individual?"
>          A: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
>          Q:"Was this a male, or a female?"
>16.  Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
>notice which I sent to your attorney?"
>          A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
>17.  Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have your performed on dead people?"
>          A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people."
>18.  Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK?  What school did you go to?"
>          A: "Oral."
>19.  Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
>         A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.."
>          Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?"
>          A: "No, you dummy, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
>was doing an autopsy."

Best regards,

Lars Martin Fosse Lars Martin Fosse
Haugerudvn. 76, Leil. 114,
0674 Oslo

Tel: +47 22 32 12 19
Fax: +47 22 32 12 19
Email: L.M.Fosse at
Mobile phone: 90 91 91 45

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